balonpecah whispers

i don't choose to be this
but i'm not saying i don't want to be one
it is a secret
some people know
and they don't really care

do i care?

it's not about friendship
neither about relationship
it's just a truth
of a real person

i maybe not be dangerous
but i will
because i was
and i can't predict it

i am not talking a bout a game
nor a lie
a truth i have been keeping
i have not resolved

i don't say i enjoy it
but i must
i breathe, eat, sleep
i live with it

you may thing i am a joke
just a drama queen
my life yes is a drama
and i am the main actress

i am not getting paid
i get no advantage
but i'm not saying that i am the victim
and i am not the controller

this is a roller coaster
but you will not puke
dizzy will not come to you
it does not even amazed you

this is not an entertainment
never a story
maybe a history
but sure it is a life

been fighting so i don't have to take medicine
so the world don't have to find out
that i am an ill
i need to be alienated

maybe i don't want to
but i have made some victims
eight are down
how many more?

one is dying
trying so hard to stay
i am not pushing away
and i don't want to

but somehow i am sure
i will hurt more
i don't want to continue
do i need to self-destruct (again)?

will people mourn then?
will they be lost?
will someone cry?
i will not bet

will there be an ending of this writing?
i am not sure
i can write more and more
without thinking

completely the same with my life
i can't find an ending
maybe i am not searching
because there's no point in it