ha. am i tired? yes, i am. will i give up? maybe. how about my dream with him? still in the process. so, will i try my best? i think. he will be okay if he reads this? no. then why do i write this? because i want to. don't be selfish, girl. can't, i am myself selfish. i am mean. i am. he loves me. i do love him too. but i'm sounded not so in love. because i am not that in love right now. why? because i am tired. what? yes, i'm tired. no way. so what? is it okay if he finds out? he knows it already, i've told him a thousand times. i know, but to write it down here is not appropriate. so, what i must do? get myself together and hold everything together. how about my tiredness? i will be get over it. fine. so? what? how am i now? miserable. okay, but i will keep on trying, right? okay, if that's what i want. no, can't be that way. so? do i still want to be with him? fine, yes. why? because he is him. not explaining much. grr. i am you, explain it to yourself, myself. because only when i am with him, i feel useful. why? because when i was thinking to leave him, he told me everything. about what? who am i for him. his girlfriend, right? well, the reason why he wants me, he needs me. and that is? i am his strength. wow. yes. he told me that? yes. wow. i am the person who fills his days, who makes him wants to spend the day. are you sure? quite enough, well, yes. well then, it is a good reason to stick with him. yes, i know. i'll stick with him right? yes. just because of that reasons? maybe. then what happen if the used of i change, will i still stay? err, i will. i seem not so sure, why? nothing, i will stay. why? because however, i need him. for what? to be someone that will hold myself together when my vulnerablelity and my insecurity strike. do i trust him that much? yes. am i sure? not that much actually, but i must trust him. for what reason? still, he is my boyfriend. so status is everything? no. so? as long status can be the base, the reason why i must stay him, i think 'he is my boyfriend' can be the reason. why? he chose me, and still chooses me, and it means that he loves me, it is not a sin to "love the person who loves you". do i really think he loves me? no. so why? i feel it. aww. i win :)